It's Hard

You know, it's very hard to become like Jesus. Even though you really want to be like Him...you still have fears, doubts about things in life, trust issues with people, and issues with control, etc. I know I do. Like tonight...having a hard time understanding why Paul likes to stay out past 2am all the time. I call his cell phone at 1:30am he says he's at his dad's and I tell him he needs to come home; the kids have school and need to get up at 7:30am. He knows that, but still he stays out. So, I call him at 1:45am cause he's still not home...I ask him where he's at...he says "James's". I say, "you said a few minutes ago you were at your dad's." He says, "James called and needed to talk about something" (my guess is he's been there all night since he got off work, IF he's even at James's in the first place). I say, "Uh, you need to come home. What are you doing??" So, he says he's coming home soon. I cannot stress enough that he has a family and heck, I'm even awake waiting for him and he's OUT doing whatever to whoever and with whoever! The man wants to get married to me....is he really crazy or does he NOT understand that he has not one responsible bone in his body? Why would I want to marry someone who stays out all night, every night? Paul doesn't come home til past 2am most nights!!! I cannot deal with this much longer. He gets off work, sometimes by 9pm and sometimes later but still manages to stay out past 2am! I'm lucky if he's home by 1, and that's a miracle in itself. His excuse is usually, "You're asleep" (cause I get up at 5:30am for work)...uh, if that was every man's excuse who has a woman at home....they're wouldn't be very many marriages!! No wonder we're divorced still.

Well, that's my frustration today. I really want to become more like Jesus and Paul wants to do the opposite so it's going to be one long, tough road. My worry is...is he doing drugs? Is he having sex with someone? Is he OUT sinning like this? I have NO proof where he is, what he's doing, where he's going. First he says he's at his dad's, next he says he's at his crazy, psycho friend's house (Paul says that this James guy believes wholeheartedly that he can build a universe in a lifetime, also he built a water powered car, also he got offered a job doing nuclear testing or something with no experience, and much more!!!) Sounds like to me he's been "doing something" (drugs) !!!

Ok, that's all for now. Back to wondering if I should have posted this but I'm upset and wanted to vent. Who wouldn't?

Church 11-27-05

Today was church. It was sooo awesome! My sister who’s been going there since Aug. 7th this year has the stomach flu so she missed it. She’s not going to be happy that she missed communion cause we don’t do that often. My friend Jennifer started going to my church Aug. 7th also when Paul got baptized and she had never taken communion at this church before. We sang “Stand Up On Your Feet” and “Shout” and “Love You So Much” that I absolutely love and my sister Tina will be really sad she missed that too! I am praying for her that she get over the stomach flu today!! She doesn’t want to miss work. Today at church the sermon was about Thankfulness again and the TANGIBLE ways that we can show others that we live in Thankfulness to God on a daily basis. Something to that effect, I don’t have my notes with me right now. But, people should be able to see you, if you are a Christian, and be able to say, “Wow, he really is a humble person. He’s very thankful for everything that happens to him no matter what. He takes God seriously and wow, I’d like to be that content in my life.” That’s what I took away from the service this morning. I want people to know that I’m a Christian, that I am serious about my faith and I DO what I preach and DO what I believe..not just believe it but my “fruit” doesn’t prove it. Like, don’t tell your kids not to smoke when you smoke, and don’t tell people God is against lying but then you go and lie. God wants us to not LIE, He wants us to read His Word and be a DOER of the Word..not just a hearer. He wants us to be HUMBLE and to reverently FEAR Him..like Paul did. Respect God!!! There’s more but I don’t have my notes handy. I need to bring them in after church and go over them before bed. Maybe I should do that. God bless you!

Our Girls

These are Paul's and my precious children. Felicia is almost 10 and Skyelar is 6. Please pray for them with me everyday for them to do well in school and for their behavior to improve. God will know why. Thank you and God Bless!

November 19 2005

November 19, 2005

I am about to go to bed but I wanted to say that I am very proud of my sister Tina. She is staying strong in the Lord and she is not letting anyone steal her joy or bring her into sin. She is standing on Jesus, the Solid Rock! And I am very, very proud of her. She doesn’t even know how proud of her I am. Jesus took away desires of smoking, drinking, cussing, watching bad movies, etc. He has taken away MUCH sin in her life. I am overwhelmed with happiness when she tells me what God has done for her!!!!!! It makes my day to hear her talk about the Lord and it even builds my faith and when she talks about the Lord my love for Him grows and my love for her grows. She is so special and I am so glad she is becoming more Christlike EVERYDAY!!!!!

Becoming Christ Like every day

We need to become more like Christ everyday. If we are not doing that then we are either not saved in the first place or we have back slidden. Bottom line. I, for one, want to become more and more like Jesus everyday. I am REALLY trying everyday to do that. It's not an easy task, let me just say. BUT the Bible says Jesus said, "pick up your cross and follow me!!" That means KILL THE FLESH, resist temptation and FOLLOW Him (do His ways and Will). Well, that's my first post.