It's Hard

You know, it's very hard to become like Jesus. Even though you really want to be like Him...you still have fears, doubts about things in life, trust issues with people, and issues with control, etc. I know I do. Like tonight...having a hard time understanding why Paul likes to stay out past 2am all the time. I call his cell phone at 1:30am he says he's at his dad's and I tell him he needs to come home; the kids have school and need to get up at 7:30am. He knows that, but still he stays out. So, I call him at 1:45am cause he's still not home...I ask him where he's at...he says "James's". I say, "you said a few minutes ago you were at your dad's." He says, "James called and needed to talk about something" (my guess is he's been there all night since he got off work, IF he's even at James's in the first place). I say, "Uh, you need to come home. What are you doing??" So, he says he's coming home soon. I cannot stress enough that he has a family and heck, I'm even awake waiting for him and he's OUT doing whatever to whoever and with whoever! The man wants to get married to me....is he really crazy or does he NOT understand that he has not one responsible bone in his body? Why would I want to marry someone who stays out all night, every night? Paul doesn't come home til past 2am most nights!!! I cannot deal with this much longer. He gets off work, sometimes by 9pm and sometimes later but still manages to stay out past 2am! I'm lucky if he's home by 1, and that's a miracle in itself. His excuse is usually, "You're asleep" (cause I get up at 5:30am for work)...uh, if that was every man's excuse who has a woman at home....they're wouldn't be very many marriages!! No wonder we're divorced still.

Well, that's my frustration today. I really want to become more like Jesus and Paul wants to do the opposite so it's going to be one long, tough road. My worry is...is he doing drugs? Is he having sex with someone? Is he OUT sinning like this? I have NO proof where he is, what he's doing, where he's going. First he says he's at his dad's, next he says he's at his crazy, psycho friend's house (Paul says that this James guy believes wholeheartedly that he can build a universe in a lifetime, also he built a water powered car, also he got offered a job doing nuclear testing or something with no experience, and much more!!!) Sounds like to me he's been "doing something" (drugs) !!!

Ok, that's all for now. Back to wondering if I should have posted this but I'm upset and wanted to vent. Who wouldn't?